To Begin With

Alrighty, so this first entry is rather long, but it is necessary, so bear with me! The main purpose of this blog is to purely update (and potentially entertain) friends, family, acquaintances, etc about my adventures in Europe. When I was a little girl, I would listen in awe as my parents told stories of their travels in Europe and beyond. Drifting down the magical canals of Venice, weaving their way through busy markets in Egypt, and exploring the romantic islands of Greece. Now, after years of dreaming, its my turn. 

Originally, I was planning to take off a full year of school, and dedicate it purely to traveling. In the summer of 2008 though, I spoke with one of my sister's camp friends, Heather Laurie. She told me about her amazing year at the Capernwray Bible School in England. Her account of that year planted an idea in my head, one that grew the more I talked to people about their experiences at various Capernwray Bible Schools. And so God finally confirmed for me that Bible school was going to be a necessary part of my life for this first year out of high school. I didn't understand why at the time, but after this summer, I do understand. 

This summer was a big turning point for me. For most of July and August, I felt frustrated with myself and with God because I felt like I couldn't get close to Him. I thought I was trying, and I couldn't understand why He wasn't doing His part, why He wasn't pursuing me. I lost my focus at camp, and I didn't keep Him in the centre of it all. In fact, I think I actually just ignored Him after a while, despite being immersed in a Christian community bursting with passion for Jesus. 

It wasn't until my last weekend on staff that I realized some things. My last job at camp for the summer was to work weekend crew, during which you look after the changeover campers (kids staying for two weeks), help with meals, etc. During my time with those campers, I remembered the true purpose God has at camp: to love these kids like He loves us. As I sat with the girls making bracelets, I loved them, and through that, God reminded me that He DOES love me and He IS pursuing me. He was doing more than I ever could or can. In my proud, frustrated state this summer, I was unable to see God's perfect intentions clearly. So for all of you people who I've been telling it was a frustrating summer, but in the long run I learned a lot, that was the explanation. 

I returned to camp for Prime, the week of teenager camp. Honestly, one of the best weeks I've ever spent at camp. The speaker that week was amazing, and through him, God really touched my life in so many ways. The speaker's talk on the Tuesday night of that week felt like it was written for me personally. It was about sin, and I felt so utterly convicted about my sin, and the dark state I've been in for so long. I confessed some struggles I've been dealing with to a close friend of mine on the Tuesday, and since that time we've been working through life together. He has been a major support, and if God had not provided him as a friend and confidant, I don't know where I would be at right now. Probably still struggling to beat down temptation and sin on my own without Jesus, and without support and love from the Christians around me.

God provides for those He loves. He provides clearness of mind and understanding within His own perfect timing. He provides love, comfort, and friendship when it is needed most. He provides patience and compassion in people when you need to confess, and He ALWAYS provides His love. Which leads me to the title of this blog, which I'm sure many of you are wondering about.

So I did translate it using the translation tool on my computer, so if you speak German and it's wrong, please feel free to correct me. Anywho, so this is Liebhaber Meine Seele, which is German for Lover of my Soul. I chose this title after careful consideration because I felt it reflected the direction I'm headed in. After this summer, I've been reduced to a completely vulnerable mess, and I am not afraid to admit it. I've had to bear the shame of my sin before friends and before Jesus Himself, and it is completely terrifying. However, through this vulnerability God has taught me to open my heart again. I've so afraid of being hurt by people that I closed off my heart to really feeling much of anything, even God's perfect love. I was afraid of His rejection because of my sin. Now through His forgiveness and grace, God is reshaping my heart and is making a beautiful thing out of me. I'm beginning to fall in love with my Creator. I prayed at the beginning of the summer that I could fall in love with God again, and even though it hurt, God used my dismantling to show His glory and His love for me. He is the true Love, and my soul is being wooed by His demonstration of love for me.

My hope for this year as I attend Bodenseehof Bible School in Friedrichshafen, Germany, and as I travel through Europe afterwards, is that God will continue to express His love in the ridiculously beautiful and amazing way that He does, and that the more I learn about Him, the more I will come to love Him.

Much love,

Mickeelie